Crazy Chinese Stuff That Makes Me Laugh

My sister has just booked a flight to Shanghai. It will be her first time in Asia and it has me thinking about places I will take her to see when she is over. It also has me thinking about how in a country like China, day to day observations are as important  as The Great Wall. There is some fairly amusing stuff going on in that place, which deserves at least an amusing shake of the head.

My friend Kevin, who still lives in China, wrote on his Facebook page "watched a woman wearing very tall platform stiletto heels, on rather uneven paving, playing badminton...clearly the common sense jar was empty when she was made!" This sparked me to compile a few memories of things that made me snicker, and things that, to me, made China a bit more...China.

At the top of my list, the most obvious one is driving. People in China drive like kids playing Micro Machines on the carpet. Cars coming from every direction. Beep! Beep! Crash! Bang! Carry on... . It's just because in China, there are no real road regulations. You get a car, buy a license (maybe take a test?) and GO! It's funny to watch until you need to cross the road (or someone gets smushed).

Discovering "Chinglish (Chinese-English)" is one of the best parts of shopping or ordering off a menu. Foreign people actually have websites devoted to topping each other with their finds. One of my favorite moments is when I was in a park in Shanghai reading park rules, to find that "DO NOT FRATERNIZE WITH THE SQUIRRELS" was sternly bolded and underlined. Damn those evil, plotting squirrels... I don't know if they just have really crap translators or are using Google Translate and getting the direct meanings, but I hope it never stops.  

Other gems discovered in my travels:

"Hot Oily Bacteria (stir-fried mushrooms)" on a menu 

"Mix my Welt" on a random shirt

"Hospital for Cunt"  You can guess...

These aren't mine, but will give you a general idea of the possibilities for discovery

Have you ever walked down the street and fantasied that everyone would break out into some kind of massive, public choreographed dance? Well in China, all of your High School Musical dreams can come true. Just go to any public square at around 6 or 7pm, and behold a bunch of people doing something perhaps a little less punchy and a little more traditional, but still entertaining. It's actually quite nice when they get the fans and costumes out. Because Chinese people work A LOT, they use their evenings as down time to go to the public squares to socialize, play badminton, eat red bean ice pops, and boogie down. It's like yard time in a low security prison.

 I am pretty sure that any sub-par health standards would have a restaurant shut down in minutes in the Western world. That's the wrong attitude in China, where every restaurant gets a chance and every hungry patron gets a choice. A night of  stomach wrenching cramps and watery poo is not on the shoulders of the place where you ate, because you should have looked at the little sign with the face stuck to the window. Think what you will, but I think this system is genius, compellingly honest, and equals cheap eats if you have a cast iron stomach like me!

:) = Probably okay to eat here

: | = Take your chances

:( = It might be cheap, but you will pay in other ways

I can't wait for my sister to see this stuff in person. I also can't wait for her to point out to me all of the things I might walk past everyday which don't seem odd/hilarious anymore. You tend to get a bit accustomed to things after a while and they lose their entertainment value until someone points them out to you again. But don't worry sneester, we will only eat at places with a happy face in the window. :)