The first few years of my twenties was spent in a pretty dark place. I had seen friends die or have their lives damaged by horrific accidents, I was suffering from chronic depression and anxiety, and was living with someone who couldn't handle or support how heavy I had become while juggling his own issues. In those circumstances, some people break down but I ran...to the other side of the world. For a long time I believed only the first part of that title sentence to be true.
One night I was in the hostel bar in Beijing with a bunch of people from everywhere in the world, and I had had more than my fair share of drinks. Someone I was sitting with started getting all metaphysical (as you might do after copious amounts of booze) and asked that age old question "What is the meaning of life?" I responded with "There is none." This brought on a ton of questions about God, purpose, the afterlife etc.... Then is old Dutch man pulled me aside and asked me what I was doing right now and what plans I had for the future. He told me that he very much agreed with me. There was no purpose to life, but I was failing to see the freedom in that. He asked me if I still felt rewarded for doing great things and hurt when I was upset. If I did, I should live selfishly, humanly, and find the rewards in life before I lost my emotions. It was a bit like a chapter out of a Paulo Cohelo novel. I look back now at that hazy, boozy night and that conversation is the only part I remember with any clarity.
It seems that lately, everyone I know is in a flux of change. People are moving across the country or world, traveling, having children, buying houses, losing weight, getting new jobs, getting married, finding themselves in a far, far away part of the Amazon.
I hope they are all happy in their choices and finding their rewards as I am finding mine. I still maintain that there is no point to living, but I don't say it with a dark cloud looming over my head. I say it because to me, that sentence means freedom, choice, happiness, and endless possibilities. There is no point, so make one.
Happy moving Justin! I will miss you! Pleaseremember that one of the purposes of your life is to make me delicious Christmas Coffee!
My sister has just booked a flight to Shanghai. It will be her first time in Asia and it has me thinking about places I will take her to see when she is over. It also has me thinking about how in a country like China, day to day observations are as important as The Great Wall. There is some fairly amusing stuff going on in that place, which deserves at least an amusing shake of the head.
My friend Kevin, who still lives in China, wrote on his Facebook page "watched a woman wearing very tall platform stiletto heels, on rather uneven paving, playing badminton...clearly the common sense jar was empty when she was made!" This sparked me to compile a few memories of things that made me snicker, and things that, to me, made China a bit more...China.
At the top of my list, the most obvious one is driving. People in China drive like kids playing Micro Machines on the carpet. Cars coming from every direction. Beep! Beep! Crash! Bang! Carry on... . It's just because in China, there are no real road regulations. You get a car, buy a license (maybe take a test?) and GO! It's funny to watch until you need to cross the road (or someone gets smushed).
Discovering "Chinglish (Chinese-English)" is one of the best parts of shopping or ordering off a menu. Foreign people actually have websites devoted to topping each other with their finds. One of my favorite moments is when I was in a park in Shanghai reading park rules, to find that "DO NOT FRATERNIZE WITH THE SQUIRRELS" was sternly bolded and underlined. Damn those evil, plotting squirrels... I don't know if they just have really crap translators or are using Google Translate and getting the direct meanings, but I hope it never stops.
Other gems discovered in my travels:
"Hot Oily Bacteria (stir-fried mushrooms)" on a menu
"Mix my Welt" on a random shirt
"Hospital for Cunt" You can guess...
These aren't mine, but will give you a general idea of the possibilities for discovery
Have you ever walked down the street and fantasied that everyone would break out into some kind of massive, public choreographed dance? Well in China, all of your High School Musical dreams can come true. Just go to any public square at around 6 or 7pm, and behold a bunch of people doing something perhaps a little less punchy and a little more traditional, but still entertaining. It's actually quite nice when they get the fans and costumes out. Because Chinese people work A LOT, they use their evenings as down time to go to the public squares to socialize, play badminton, eat red bean ice pops, and boogie down. It's like yard time in a low security prison.
I am pretty sure that any sub-par health standards would have a restaurant shut down in minutes in the Western world. That's the wrong attitude in China, where every restaurant gets a chance and every hungry patron gets a choice. A night of stomach wrenching cramps and watery poo is not on the shoulders of the place where you ate, because you should have looked at the little sign with the face stuck to the window. Think what you will, but I think this system is genius, compellingly honest, and equals cheap eats if you have a cast iron stomach like me!
:) = Probably okay to eat here
: | = Take your chances
:( = It might be cheap, but you will pay in other ways
I can't wait for my sister to see this stuff in person. I also can't wait for her to point out to me all of the things I might walk past everyday which don't seem odd/hilarious anymore. You tend to get a bit accustomed to things after a while and they lose their entertainment value until someone points them out to you again. But don't worry sneester, we will only eat at places with a happy face in the window. :)
We've had a good run. I have laughed with you, cried with you, sang, danced, cried some more, and passed out on the gentle caress of your sidewalks. I have minded your gaps and played in your parks, and have memories which will entertain and haunt me for life.
I also excuse a lot of your misconducts. You are a big city, full of bodies and noise and smog and traffic. I get it, but I can no longer abide some of your crooked ways. This is is me venting.
This is me listing 5 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU:
1. Chavs:
For the male population, think Jerry Springer guests dressed in Adidas, knifing each other in broad daylight in public parks and on buses. The ones that work, work at supermarkets or sell drugs, and the ones that don't work live off government benefits and degrade society. The female population is generally the same save for most don't work and instead pop out babies because the more kids you have, the bigger the house that the gov't will give you. Most are racist. They all talk funny. I don't usually care who does what in this world, but they are not all confined to one place...like Surrey. They are on my train to work, at the park where I take the kids, and gathered on street corners when I walk home. I am afraid I am coming off like an elitist here so I have included a short film to help you get a better sense of the everyday nature of the chav.
2. People Who Talk Like Adele:
It came out of the blue, uninvited. This accent that is nothing like Angela Landsbury. Nothing like Colin Firth. Nothing like I was promised. When I first moved here, I moved to East London and did not bring a phrasebook, which they should advise you to purchase at the airport. I don't mind this accent in small spoonfuls throughout the day, but ALL DAY and I have to turn on reruns of "How I Met Your Mother" at the end of a workday, the equivalent of washing my cochlea. Another video for you because if I try to imitate it, it just turns "Poppins".
3.National Health Care: The NHS. Yikes. I know we complain back in Canada about the quality and speed of our health care system. I think the citizens of every country, in every universe complain about healthcare. But here is an eye opener. If you think you are deprived of possessions, go to a village in Ethiopia. If you think your healthcare system is poor, get sick or broken in London. My doctor is the one I have to go to because he works in my catchment area. My doctor is an old Indian Man who does not "deal with lady issues", employs a nurse who cannot speak English, and a receptionist who speaks like Adele. He has yet to give me proper treatment or advice for anything I have seen him for and sent me to the free clinic like a tramp to get birth control. Friends who have gone to their doctors have seen similar circumstances, doctors who refuse to test them, treat them, and don't believe they are in pain. This is because in London, NOBODY practices preventative medicine. They won't test you for anything unless they are sure that you have it and it is too expensive to refer you to anyone unless you have a bulbous growth expanding from your hairline. Nobody even gets their teeth cleaned, which explains this:
Kidding!
4. People Who Act Like Cro Magnon Man In Transit: Trains were invented about a hundred years ago, inspiring other such forms of transit such as cars, buses, trams, etc. There is a certain set of guidelines for using each which pertain to the comfort and safety of each passenger/pedestrian. In London, all bets are off. The bus drivers will see you coming and shut the doors in your face. People on trains will not rearrange themselves to create more space for you to get on. The pregnant, elderly, and disabled are just as much at odds with the rest of us when it comes to finding a seat. You will be pushed, groped, sneezed and sweated and coughed on, and scowled at if you need to be birthed through a vaginal canal of bodies to get off and on the tube. I was once actually pushed back onto the platform after I started shouting "They do it in India (I was talking about how many people they cram onto buses there)!" You are an inconvenience and other people start to inconvenience you. Drivers turn without using blinkers, will not brake for babies or animals, and you cross the road at your own peril. I can take bad driving in China...that's kinda their "thing," isn't it? But I cannot tolerate it in a country which is supposed to be developed. SUPPOSED TO BE.
5. Everything is Wrong All The Time: And lastly, I HATE, absolutely HATE that I have come to refer to London as the perpetual city of "No." I think generally, Londonese people need to be sold on everything. The mentality is " No, I think this is going to be shit, if you can prove otherwise, you will be gratified by my mild attitude change. Because it's never good, it's just not bad". I am waiting for the day when something is amazing, without a hint of sarcasm. Subsequently, the people of London love saying "no." "No you can't do that, No, you can't register here, No, you can't return it." Only after 10 minutes of controlled argument do I find that I usually can do what ever it was I wanted. They just wanted to assert themselves first before letting me be a special exception, for which I should be grateful. This goes hand in hand with a Londoner's love of moaning. These people love to complain about everything, which makes me want to complain about them, which causes them to complain about bloody immigrants who can go back to their own country if they don't like it, which makes me think that negativity is a vicious, inescapable, an very apparent part of the culture of London. It is ingrained in the people and makes them a part of this city. Understanding it had made me feel a part of it too. I guess I am a little Londoner now. Thanks for including me, you big rainy smog-hole.
